Dear Phil
by IcyandMidnight
Summary: "This was the most fun I've ever had." Just a one-shot I came up with. Yes I am evil, no I don't base this off of any real events.
1. Phil

Just a small one-shot I came up with. I donno how sad this is, so you may or may not cry...

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Dear Phil,

Hey...I guess by the time you see this I'll be "gone", so I'll write it as if I were speaking to you in person. It's not your fault. If anything, you helped me push forward, live my life, have a best friend. You were truly the only person that mattered in the world. I really wish I hadn't been so weak as to leave you alone, but my mind...you could say the 'existential crisis' part of my brain took over. Sorry, just trying to lift the mood a bit. Who am I kidding, I shouldn't be talking like this. I know you're most likely hurting, asking yourself why I would ever do this to you. You may even hate me. No, never mind. I know you well enough, you could never hate me. I wish you did though. You could move on, forget about me, be the person you deserve to be, not having me around covering you with my shadow. I never understood why our fans liked me more than you, you were there first. You brought me into YouTube. You gave me things I never would have gotten had I stayed the anti-social kid and never gone out of my comfort zone. You made my smile bigger, you made my eyes brighter, you gave me a reason to live. If you want an explanation, there is none. I fell into a deep well of negativity and this time, nobody could pull me out. I was in too deep, I wanted this. This is all me, alright? None of this was you. You were ARE my everything, and I'm sorry I never told you that sooner. I'm sorry. I feel terrible leaving you, even more when our fans are probably devastated about this whole thing, huh? Looks like there won't be any Phil is not on fire video next year. Or the next. Or the next... I'm sorry. Writing this is so hard, I'm beginning to rethink my plans. One last thing before I change my mind:

I love you, Phil. I always have and always will, ever since you first started talking to me, ever since we met for the first time, and ever since you jumped on me on our first video together. Please move on. You're meant to do great things because you're such a great person, you don't need someone like me ruin your picture. There can always be a Phil without Dan, just not vice versa. Go and be the best you can, I know you can make it on your own. Thank you for everything Phillip, you were able to fill the remaining part of my life with the sunshine I needed for years, but the time has come for me to finally leave the picture. Besides, we've had our fun, we've done all we can. Just never forget, Phil,

 _this was the most fun I've ever had._

-Daniel

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~Midnight~


	2. Dan

So Icy read the first part and told me it'd be nice to add Phil's point of view so this happened. R/R please, this is my first try at writing (legit) angst.

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Phil held the dreaded piece of paper in his hands, not daring to look up.

He'd gone out, just to do some quick shopping and be right back, back to his and Dan's home. He expected to find Dan in the lounge, in his browsing position, scrolling through tumblr, laughing at posts, smiling when he saw Phil come in. He didn't expect to find him in his dim bedroom, black and grey bedspread now stained with red, Dan laying there with his wrist slit open, an empty bottle of pain killers at his side. The first thing he saw was Dan. He'd had a thing ever since he was a child which prevented him from seeing the worst side of things until it became necessary. He'd tried to wake Dan up, shaking him and telling him it wasn't funny. It'd took him a minute to realize what Dan had done. It took him another to realize he wouldn't be waking up. It was then he saw the note in Dan's hand, reaching for it with shaky hands, tears running down his face. He was crying, but he wasn't making any noise. His tears were silent, his voice having been lost once it dawned on him his best friend was dead.

He read the note, noticing the tear stains splattered here and there. He'd started hiccuping when he reached the middle, sobbing when he read how Dan believed he'd be fine on his own. But once he reached the end, he cried out. He'd screamed. He'd hugged the piece of paper until he thought it'd rip. He'd let it drift to the floor as he climbed over Dan, shaking him, begging him to wake up, to give him a better explanation.

But Dan was unresponsive.

Dan's skin was already pale, his chest still, eyes closed forever. Phil held Dan close, sobbing into his lifeless body. Phil didn't believe any of this was happening. He wanted to wake up. This was all just a horrible nightmare, nothing was real. Dan was probably pulling a prank on him.

Dan was probably pulling a prank on him.

Phil sat up, suddenly silent, a grin stapled to his face as his tears continued to stream down his cheeks.

"Ha ha, very funny Dan! You almost got me, that was the worst prank yet, you can wake up now."

Dan didn't breathe.

"Dan, I fell for it, just wake up. You had me really scared you know."

Dan kept his eyes closed.

"Daniel please..."

Dan didn't move.

Phil broke down again, the false hope withering away when he didn't see any response. He called Louise, asked her if this was real life. She'd been confused and asked why, Phil not being able to from choking back his sobs, worrying Louise. He told her what had happened and laughed bitterly, saying this was all a dream. Louise had hung up, already running towards her friend's home. Phil sat next to Dan, laying down after a bit and laced his fingers into Dan's. He began humming songs, Toxic by Britney Spears, Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran. They were his and Dan's songs after all. He closed his eyes, hoping to God he'd wake up and find Dan shaking him awake, pulling him into his arms, telling him it was all a nightmare.

But when he did wake up, all he saw was Louise shaking him, Louise pulling him into her arms, Louise telling him it would all be okay. Phil no longer cried when Louise was there, he didn't cry on the way to the hospital. He didn't cry at all.

Dan had died, killing Phil as well.

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~Midnight~


End file.
